Comments on: The rest of the gang http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/30/the-rest-of-the-gang/ Study of adoption Fri, 30 Dec 2011 04:34:00 -0700 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: Jade http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/30/the-rest-of-the-gang/#comment-50682 Jade Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:26:30 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/30/the-rest-of-the-gang/#comment-50682 siblings are all but forgotten. my situation speaks to this. i am a first mother and a single mother, the youngest is adopted. they were separated when the oldest was 4 yrs old. the contact and visits never materialized and i believe it affected my family in so many ways. they are now 9 and 12 and have spoken on the phone once. we send gifts and packages every holiday but the adopters do not allow contact. there is a giant gap. no one ever considers the effect on surviving children and subsequent children. you can't just wrap it in a bow and call it the best interests of the child, especially when there are more than one child involved. it divides up the family and has damaging effects on all. siblings are all but forgotten. my situation speaks to this. i am a first mother and a single mother, the youngest is adopted. they were separated when the oldest was 4 yrs old. the contact and visits never materialized and i believe it affected my family in so many ways. they are now 9 and 12 and have spoken on the phone once. we send gifts and packages every holiday but the adopters do not allow contact. there is a giant gap. no one ever considers the effect on surviving children and subsequent children. you can’t just wrap it in a bow and call it the best interests of the child, especially when there are more than one child involved. it divides up the family and has damaging effects on all.

]]> By: Reunited Dan http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/30/the-rest-of-the-gang/#comment-47865 Reunited Dan Wed, 22 Oct 2008 10:00:18 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/30/the-rest-of-the-gang/#comment-47865 Hi Wraith, As someone in reunion, the half sibling thing is really difficult. I have had a fairly good experience on the maternal side and a fairly horrible experience on the paternal side. There is something unspoken that justs makes everyone uncomfortable. My paternal half siblings are...dysfunctional. Not only are they estranged from each other but I was dragged into it. I was supposed to take sides and I chose moving on. I can't and won't fix them. The maternal side is different. We try to connect but there is a bit of weirdness. I think some of it stems from the recent death of a half brother. I think they (and I) feel that it might be somehow disloyal. The biggest block on both sides is that we have nothing in common. I was raised very differently then all of them. So we keep picking away at it... Dan Hi Wraith,

As someone in reunion, the half sibling thing is really difficult. I have had a fairly good experience on the maternal side and a fairly horrible experience on the paternal side.

There is something unspoken that justs makes everyone uncomfortable. My paternal half siblings are…dysfunctional. Not only are they estranged from each other but I was dragged into it. I was supposed to take sides and I chose moving on. I can’t and won’t fix them.

The maternal side is different. We try to connect but there is a bit of weirdness. I think some of it stems from the recent death of a half brother. I think they (and I) feel that it might be somehow disloyal.

The biggest block on both sides is that we have nothing in common. I was raised very differently then all of them. So we keep picking away at it…

Dan

]]> By: Wraiths http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/30/the-rest-of-the-gang/#comment-46184 Wraiths Wed, 10 Sep 2008 05:40:37 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/30/the-rest-of-the-gang/#comment-46184 Hi Colleen, Good. I agree with you, it is a personal decision and I hope everyone considers it as well as you did whatever their decision. It's most important to me that the choice is there for us whether we take it or not and that we consider it. I too am a fan of Nancy and will be seeing her next month at the CUB retreat in Carlsbad. Can't wait!! Hi Colleen, Good. I agree with you, it is a personal decision and I hope everyone considers it as well as you did whatever their decision. It’s most important to me that the choice is there for us whether we take it or not and that we consider it. I too am a fan of Nancy and will be seeing her next month at the CUB retreat in Carlsbad. Can’t wait!!

]]> By: Colleen http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/30/the-rest-of-the-gang/#comment-46178 Colleen Wed, 10 Sep 2008 01:08:01 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/30/the-rest-of-the-gang/#comment-46178 I think reuniting is a personal decision. I think that we should be allowed to do so but I'm not sure how important it is. I know I may be a lone voice here but I can open my files and am choosing not to (for now). I think having two kids who look (and act) exactly like me has quelled some of the longing to look like someone. I also couldn't imagine better parents than the ones I got. I have watched a number of reunions from the sidelines and have yet to personally (note personally) witness one that lived up to expectations, hopes, dreams, etc. I've made the committment to focus on my issues and work through them. No one can make me feel worthy but myself. I think what's more important is that we adoptees come out from under the rocks that we've been living under and reclaim our lives. As a fan of Nancy Verrier, I think we need to really understand what happened to us so that we can start to live an authentic life. I know it sounds cliche but trust me, I've lived a hellish life of self-sabotage, self-hatred, addiction, bad relationships and chronic victimhood. Enough is enough. Thanks for your post. I think reuniting is a personal decision. I think that we should be allowed to do so but I’m not sure how important it is. I know I may be a lone voice here but I can open my files and am choosing not to (for now). I think having two kids who look (and act) exactly like me has quelled some of the longing to look like someone. I also couldn’t imagine better parents than the ones I got. I have watched a number of reunions from the sidelines and have yet to personally (note personally) witness one that lived up to expectations, hopes, dreams, etc. I’ve made the committment to focus on my issues and work through them. No one can make me feel worthy but myself. I think what’s more important is that we adoptees come out from under the rocks that we’ve been living under and reclaim our lives. As a fan of Nancy Verrier, I think we need to really understand what happened to us so that we can start to live an authentic life. I know it sounds cliche but trust me, I’ve lived a hellish life of self-sabotage, self-hatred, addiction, bad relationships and chronic victimhood. Enough is enough. Thanks for your post.

]]> By: Amyadoptee http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/30/the-rest-of-the-gang/#comment-45485 Amyadoptee Sun, 31 Aug 2008 15:43:56 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/30/the-rest-of-the-gang/#comment-45485 I know the feeling. Remind me too. I am now just wishing that I could reunite. I know the feeling. Remind me too. I am now just wishing that I could reunite.

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