Comments on: Why do we search http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/ Wraith's Wrealm Mon, 06 Sep 2010 04:10:12 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Recent Links Tagged With "anger" - JabberTags http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-50440 Recent Links Tagged With "anger" - JabberTags Tue, 06 Jan 2009 14:19:26 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-50440 [...] fears - speaking openly (or rather not speaking openly) Saved by loachman on Thu 25-12-2008 Why do we search Saved by canamrotax on Tue 23-12-2008 Mahmoud Darwish: The Anger, The Longing, The Hope Saved by [...] […] fears - speaking openly (or rather not speaking openly) Saved by loachman on Thu 25-12-2008 Why do we search Saved by canamrotax on Tue 23-12-2008 Mahmoud Darwish: The Anger, The Longing, The Hope Saved by […]

]]> By: Teri http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-45008 Teri Sat, 23 Aug 2008 04:43:12 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-45008 What a nice analogy Wraith. It fits. What a nice analogy Wraith. It fits.

]]> By: Wraiths http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-44924 Wraiths Thu, 21 Aug 2008 23:27:37 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-44924 Hi Teri, exactly she found a part of herself but it doesn't have to shove the other part out. I tend to tell people it's like marriage. Just because you love your spouse doesn't mean you can't continue to love your parents or siblings. Michelle, very true Hi Teri, exactly she found a part of herself but it doesn’t have to shove the other part out. I tend to tell people it’s like marriage. Just because you love your spouse doesn’t mean you can’t continue to love your parents or siblings.

Michelle, very true

]]> By: Michelle http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-44920 Michelle Thu, 21 Aug 2008 21:12:08 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-44920 Seems mothers are't adults either, you know, having government "protection" from their children they don't even know. No one grows up in adoptoland. Seems mothers are’t adults either, you know, having government “protection” from their children they don’t even know. No one grows up in adoptoland.

]]> By: Teri Brown http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-44907 Teri Brown Thu, 21 Aug 2008 18:18:14 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-44907 When I found my daughter she told me that she finally felt "whole." It never changed her love for the family she grew up in and never took anything away from her. I believe that with my being in her life just added to the love surrounding her. She now has her medical history, her genetic lineage, and tons of genealogy (I have over 6,000 names in my database as well as a multitude of historical family stories). She's met her 5 brothers and sisters. While we live far apart and have had our definite ups and downs, it has help both of us answer our questions. I needed to know she was raised in a loving happy family as much as she needed to know who she was. I've spent most of my life around adoption (my sister was adopted) and I now devote my time to helping others find the peace that her and I have found. Teri Brown Adoption Records Handbook www.CraryPublications.com When I found my daughter she told me that she finally felt “whole.” It never changed her love for the family she grew up in and never took anything away from her. I believe that with my being in her life just added to the love surrounding her. She now has her medical history, her genetic lineage, and tons of genealogy (I have over 6,000 names in my database as well as a multitude of historical family stories). She’s met her 5 brothers and sisters. While we live far apart and have had our definite ups and downs, it has help both of us answer our questions. I needed to know she was raised in a loving happy family as much as she needed to know who she was.

I’ve spent most of my life around adoption (my sister was adopted) and I now devote my time to helping others find the peace that her and I have found.

Teri Brown
Adoption Records Handbook
http://www.CraryPublications.com

]]> By: Wraiths http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-44902 Wraiths Thu, 21 Aug 2008 14:59:34 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-44902 Hi Michelle - yeah I love the line about "How do your parents feel...." Since mine are all for the search, I usually offer to let the asker to call them or, if I am in an especially unforgiving mood, start making snarky comments like, "Oh no, I forgot to ask their permission, now I have to go to bed without dinner!!" or, "I guess I will ave to run away." Last I checked, I am an adult. If not, then why the heck am I paying taxes? Hi Michelle - yeah I love the line about “How do your parents feel….” Since mine are all for the search, I usually offer to let the asker to call them or, if I am in an especially unforgiving mood, start making snarky comments like, “Oh no, I forgot to ask their permission, now I have to go to bed without dinner!!” or, “I guess I will ave to run away.” Last I checked, I am an adult. If not, then why the heck am I paying taxes?

]]> By: Crittenton President Responds « Mia’s Saving Grace http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-44894 Crittenton President Responds « Mia’s Saving Grace Thu, 21 Aug 2008 12:49:56 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-44894 [...] Facilitating the future of our children is a powerful position indeed. It would be gross negligence to hold this position and not always have the child’s best interests as your first priority. Wouldn’t you agree? When the choice to place a child is made (if in fact adoption is presented as a choice) and we are truly honoring the lifelong effects of this decision, we would be remiss to ignore the fact that this child will in fact grow up. The one party with no say in the matter and obviously most affected by this choice IS the child. If one is taking their job as steward of another human being’s life seriously, if they are truly considering the best interest of the child, one must look at the WHOLE picture. It has been proven extremely damaging, irresponsible and completely dismissive to be of the mind that this tiny human being for which care has been placed in your hands should never be entitled to the knowledge of their origins. [...] […] Facilitating the future of our children is a powerful position indeed. It would be gross negligence to hold this position and not always have the child’s best interests as your first priority. Wouldn’t you agree? When the choice to place a child is made (if in fact adoption is presented as a choice) and we are truly honoring the lifelong effects of this decision, we would be remiss to ignore the fact that this child will in fact grow up. The one party with no say in the matter and obviously most affected by this choice IS the child. If one is taking their job as steward of another human being’s life seriously, if they are truly considering the best interest of the child, one must look at the WHOLE picture. It has been proven extremely damaging, irresponsible and completely dismissive to be of the mind that this tiny human being for which care has been placed in your hands should never be entitled to the knowledge of their origins. […]

]]> By: Michelle http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-44890 Michelle Thu, 21 Aug 2008 10:31:26 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2008/08/20/why-do-we-search/#comment-44890 I am always stunned when someone wonders why an adopted person would search for their family. Um, why wouldn't they? It's their family. There seems to be this bizarre thinking that adoptees have different perspectives and needs than the non-adopted do. Because someone is adopted the need to discover "Who am I" is somehow non-existent. Why on earth would anyone question any person about wanting to know who their parents are and all the personal identity-related information that goes with that? I've recently gathered a lot of information on my mother's maternal ancestry, going back eight generations, and I've also received pictures of my mother, and four generations of grandmothers. When I share this information with people that don't know I'm adopted, the conversations are vibrant and interesting. When I say I'm adopted the tone of the conversation changes. People become less interested in my information and start questioning me about being adopted and how my adoptive parents feel. What does my identity and ancestry have to with my adoptive parents? Do the non-adopted get the same reaction when doing geneaologies? Do people ask, "How do your parents feel about that?" Here's a shocker: I'm human and have the same needs and desires as other humans do. I am not some special breed of earthlings that gracefully dismisses my identity and connection to my people because I'm adopted. I am always stunned when someone wonders why an adopted person would search for their family. Um, why wouldn’t they? It’s their family. There seems to be this bizarre thinking that adoptees have different perspectives and needs than the non-adopted do. Because someone is adopted the need to discover “Who am I” is somehow non-existent. Why on earth would anyone question any person about wanting to know who their parents are and all the personal identity-related information that goes with that?

I’ve recently gathered a lot of information on my mother’s maternal ancestry, going back eight generations, and I’ve also received pictures of my mother, and four generations of grandmothers. When I share this information with people that don’t know I’m adopted, the conversations are vibrant and interesting. When I say I’m adopted the tone of the conversation changes. People become less interested in my information and start questioning me about being adopted and how my adoptive parents feel. What does my identity and ancestry have to with my adoptive parents? Do the non-adopted get the same reaction when doing geneaologies? Do people ask, “How do your parents feel about that?”

Here’s a shocker: I’m human and have the same needs and desires as other humans do. I am not some special breed of earthlings that gracefully dismisses my identity and connection to my people because I’m adopted.

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