Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
Evan Esar (1899 - 1995), Esar’s Comic Dictionary

Have you seen the report from American Adotions? You know, that non-profit agency who thinks that lives can be bettered thru adoption? Well now they have the statistics to prove it. For example, if you are a mother thinking of giving your child up for adoption, remeber these two key points:

• You are more likely to have higher educational aspirations, are more likely to finish school, and less likely to live in poverty than mothers who keep their children.
• You are more likely to delay marriage longer, are more likely to marry eventually, and are less likely to divorce.
• You are more likely to be employed 12 months after the birth and less likely to repeat out-of-wedlock pregnancy.
• You are more more likely to suffer negative psychological consequences, such as depression, than mothers who rear children as single parents.

But wait, that’s not all… After all, adption is all about the children right and…

• Teens who were adopted at birth are more likely than children born into intact families to live with two parents in a middle-class family.
• Adopted children score higher than their middle-class counterparts on indicators of school performance, social competency, optimism and volunteerism.
• Adopted adolescents generally are less depressed than children of single parents and less involved in alcohol abuse, vandalism, group fighting, police trouble, weapon use and theft.
• Adopted adolescents score higher than children of single parents on self-esteem, confidence in their own judgment, self-directedness, positive view of others and feelings of security within their families.
• On health measure, adopted children and children of intact families share similarly high scores, and both these groups score significantly higher than children raised by single parents.

Reading this, I guess we should all trade our kids out once born.

Then again, they are proud supporters of the National Council of Adoption who have this on their website:

Research in NCFA’s Adoption Factbook IV reports another decline in the annual number of infant adoptions in America. In the interests of children and their biological parents who may not be ready to parent, the adoption community must do a better job of enabling women with unplanned pregnancies to consider adoption. NCFA is expanding its efforts to revive the institution of infant adoption through sound pregnancy counseling and a public communications campaign that will promote infant adoption awareness and understanding. Our goal is not to pressure people into choosing adoption; rather, it is to enable parents with unplanned pregnancies, who may not be able or ready to parent, to consider adoption without fear, misunderstanding, or bias.You can read the whole letter here.

Without bias. Hmmm, yet you start the whole thought about how there is a decline in infant adoptions and you must do a better job of enabling women to give up their kids. Not praising the fact that these women may be standing on their own two feet and decide to keep their child, or that their family is helping out, or that the father may have stepped up. Nope, we need to enable them. Seems to be they were enabled and you feel like they stole your lunch money. Personally, I applaud that in the very early 70’s, according to their statistics, roughly 19% of babies born to white, un-married women were given up and only about 1.7% in the 90’s. (Oh and here’s a tidbit for you, according to their own stats, before ‘73 the rate was about 19% but it dropped to 7.5 between ‘73 and ‘81. You can review the PDF here if you want.

Am I biased? Yep! Are they biased? YEP!! So go read the stuff and make your own decision.

Blood is thicker than water.
English Proverb

Once there was an adoptee who was adopted into a family who already had a couple of biological daughters. She grew up thinking this was her family, this was her home. When she was an adult, her parents passed away. She turned to her sisters for comfort but was turned away because she wasn’t family. She wasn’t allowed to keep any family heirlooms, she wasn’t in the will, she felt like an outsider at the funeral.

Sound farfetched? I thought so too, until I started hearing more and more stories like this. Stories of adoptees who were told there weren’t family when it came to read the will. Stories of grandparents telling adoptees they were “really” part of the family. Stories of family heirlooms not be passed down because they wanted to “keep them within the family.” Stories of family members snubbing adoptees over other family children on holidays or birthdays. On and on and on and on. Sometimes from brothers and sisters, sometimes by grandparents or aunts and uncles, sometimes even from parents.

It’s something to think about. When you adopt a child into your family, have you thought of the impact on the rest of the family? Or the reaction of the rest of the family? Have you given any indication that you don’t really think of the child as family? I did hear one story where an aunt made some comments about an adoptee not being family and the adoptive father defended the adoptee including nearly breaking ties with his own sister. Are you willing to do that for your child?

Think about this, an adoptee grows up in a family that is not of their blood. During their life there are little things that continue to remind them; not seeing a face like theirs, school projects about family history or genetics, visiting a doctor, etc. Then to have the very family that took them in reject them, it’s amazing to me that the adoptee doesn’t break. I guess blood is thicker than ink in these cases.

Then there is a flip side. Adoptees who find their blood only to discover their mother has passed away and then be rejected by the rest of the family. Not denial that they aren’t blood but outright rejection or even lies to each other to sabotage the possibility of a relationship. Or turning their anger and fear toward this person seeking their history. Why? How can a family do this to it’s own?

Too often we are caught between two worlds; both we want to be a part of, neither truly our own.

So I looked a little deeper into the Illinois thing. First off, here is the link to the actual ammendment information. Bill Status of HB0049

Here are some interesting quotes from the affected sections:

Adopted children shall have the same status as children of the participant or annuitant, but only if the proceedings for adoption are commenced at least one year prior to the date of the participant’s or annuitant’s death.

An adopted child is eligible for the pension provided under paragraph (a) if the child was adopted before the firefighter attained age 50.

A child to be eligible must have been born or legally adopted before the policeman has withdrawn from service. In the case of an adopted child, the policeman shall be married and living with his wife at the time of the adoption, and the proceedings for adoption must have been initiated at least 6 months prior to the policeman’s death. The requirement that the proceedings for adoption be initiated at least 6 months prior to the policeman’s death does not apply where death occurs as a result of an act of duty.

Child or children. “Child” or “children”: The natural child or children, or any child or children legally adopted by an employee at least one year prior to the date any benefit for the child or children accrues.

My personal favorite:

When any contributor to said fund, who has been in the service of the house of correction for a period of 20 years, has contributed to said fund for the same period and has retired and become a beneficiary under “The 1911 Act” or this Division, shall then marry, such wife of such marriage shall after his death receive no benefit nor annuity from said fund.
Any widow or child or children receiving benefits or annuities, under “The 1911 Act”, shall continue to receive such benefits or annuities, which shall be increased from $480 per year to not more than $720 per year and paid in accordance with the provisions of Section 19–110 of this Division.
The term “child” or “children” under this Division shall not include adopted child or children, nor shall it include a stepchild or stepchildren of any contributor to aforesaid pension fund.

Again though, at least they are fixing it but it makes you wonder what else is on the books in our United States.