A while back I brought up the Adoptive Plane that a buddy (who we will call Farmer Boy) and I came up with while driving back home from an CUB retreat. Neither one of us really like the triangle so we started discussing a way to better represent it.

The Triad

The three main groups of adoption are usually represented by a triangle however, this can misrepresent the reality of the members of adoption.

The triangle appears to:

• demonstrate an equal distance or separation between the three members.
• show an equal or harmonious connection between the adoptee and the adoptee’s two families.
• symbolize that the birth family and adoptive family are raising the child’s interest above their own.
• exhibit that the relationship or communication between the adoptee and their adoptive and birth family is equal and similar.

These are rarely true.

The Plane

The plane (a flat or level surface) shows the adoptee between the other two members.

This better represents the truth behind adoption and it’s members. It can also display the way many adoptees feel like the center of a tug-of-war between their loyalties to the adoptive family and their longing to know their heritage and and blood.

By adjusting the image, the plane can illustrate an adoptee’s emotions or state of mind, moving back and forth between the two families.

This plane illustrates an adoptee moving (searching?) towards their birth family. It is also important to note that the arrow only represents the status on that side of the plane. In this case, the adoptee and Adoptive family are not moving away nor moving closer.

This plane illustrates an adoptee moving towards their adoptive family. (Retreating to familiarity?) Again, this movement has no impact on the birth family side in this diagram.

This plane can illustrate an adoptee’s emotions being torn between their two families.

Here is another representation of an adoptee who is pulling away from his adoptive family and they from him as he moves toward his biological family.

I was asked once why we call it a plane instead of just the Adoptive line. The reason is that there can be multiple lines branching out in different directions.

The following plane represents me at the time of writing, an adoptee who is currently searching for his birth family. The relationship with the adoptive family is good and they are supportive of the adoptee searching which is representative of each dot having an arrow pointing toward each other.

As you can see, the birth father is a question mark since he is unknown. I am trying to move towards the birth mother, however she is moving away since she denied contact. An uncle was also notified I was looking but the angency won’t put us in contact. Note also, the connecting line between the adoptee and the adoptive family has grown shorter to represent the closeness and support.

Finally, this is my sister’s who is in the process of reuniting now.

She is close with our parents and they are in full support. She has recently recieved a letter from her mother who is interested in contact. She does not currently know who her father is.

The Goal

The goal is to join all three representative circles into one family. A melding, as it were, of the adoptees two families into one united family which still have characteristics of each family. I know this is probably pretty rare but not inconceivable.

Conclusion

While Farmer Boy and I understand this is not an exact method of measurement, we believe it is a much better visual of the true nature of adoption as well as the feelings of each member of the plane. It also allows for the including of other facets usually left of by the triangle such as spouses, aunts, uncles, siblings, etc.

So what do you think?

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