Life isn’t fair. It’s just fairer than death, that’s all.
William Goldman, “The Princess Bride”

I recieved some shocking news yesterday and it’s really sinking in today. Amidst the joy of a new life, I learn of another cut short.

PJ was an adoptee. I met him via email when he requested info on a support group I run. He lived a ways away from that group but I recommended CUB to him and then later met him f2f at the next meeting. He was kind of quiet but not overly shy and spoke up at the first meeting, iving some basic info. (Many people, myself included, stay pretty quite at our first meetings until we get the lay of the land.)

He seemed like a pretty good guy, even came to my house for an adoptee get together I had back in January. He was very picky about what he ate (like we all should be in this age of e. coli and trans fat) but brought his own stuff so as not to put anyone out.

Despite all this, there was something about him that rubbed me wrong. I’m not sure what. maybe a bit of jealousy on my part? Another male in a group? I’m not sure because I can’t really put my finger on it which means it was pretty much in my head and not anything wrong with him.

However, yesterday I recieved news that he had committed suicide.

I don’t know what to think at the moment. I am sad that this person whom I knew, not necessarily a friend but a good acquaintance, is gone by his own hand. Someone who spoke intelligently about stuff and seemed to be together. Someone whom I never would have expected to do this.

I’m also angry. I’m angry that he did this. That I didn’t do anything to stop him. I’m angry that don’t know why.

There are so many resources now to help people that I don’t get why he did this. Why didn’t he contact one of us, there are a bunch of here, many of whom he hung out with quite a bit. Why didn’t he get help?

This looks like something he planned out, for a few months. Something that was floating around in his mind as he set in meetings and talked, went out with friends, chatted via email. I just don’t get it.

If you get to that point, please contact someone. Please get help. There is always something else that can come about and there is always the possibility that your luck could change.

There is a song by Peter Gabriel that I find very apropos. It’s about a man who is at the end of his rope.

Don’t give up
cause you have friends
Don’t give up
You’re not the only one
Don’t give up
No reason to be ashamed
Don’t give up
You still have us
Don’t give up now
We’re proud of who you are
Don’t give up
You know it’s never been easy
Don’t give up
cause I believe there’s a place
there’s a place where we belong.
Peter Gabriel “Don’t Give Up”

I hope your spirit has found peace and the answers to all the questions your life was never able to answer.

This entry was posted on Saturday, April 21st, 2007 at 7:25 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.