I am I
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)
Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)
What makes me, me? This is really what the last post was about, or at least partially about. So what makes me, me? Am I things I have done? Things done to me? Am I what people think or what I think? A combination there of?
So who am I?
- I am 6′5″, 280lbs, light skin that doesn’t tan well, medium brown hair and dark brown eyes,
- I had one close friend growing up but we have barely talked since I went into the military,
- I barely remember my childhood, only snippets,
- I was a perfect chameleon as a kid and as an adult,
- I served 11 years in the Navy, recieving an honorable discharge,
- I don’t remember my dreams normally. Only very intense ones and very rarely,
- Other than during overseas tours, I have never been without a girlfriend longer than two weeks,
- I did this because I didn’t want to be alone,
- I work on computers all day and then turn on my computer when I get home,
- I am a bit insecure,
- I love Sci-Fi; specifically Stargate, Doctor Who, Firefly, and Star Trek,
- I read like mad, going thru at least one paperback a week if not more, Repairman Jack novels being my favorite
- I have a large DVD collection,
- I use all of them as an escape when stressed,
- I hate math,
- I need to lose weight,
- I met my wife thru the mail,
- I have never done drugs, only smoked about 6 cigarettes in my life, and don’t drink,
- I haven’t done these things because I fear losing myself or control,
- I have a lot of Lego, the most recent is a gun made of Lego that looks exactly like the Beretta 92F I carried in the Navy,
- I like my job but it is frustrating,
- I still wear my dog tags and have one in my boot,
- I love my wife but don’t understand why she loves me,
- I love my son, but I don’t understand him,
- I do believe I have issues from my adoption,
- I also have issues with adoption,
- I have great adoptive parents and they will always be my parents,
- I still want to know the ones who created me,
- I worked on this list for a week, I wasn’t sure I wanted to post it.
I am I.
Who are you?
March 1st, 2007 at 5:21 am
wow. you are tall. lol. i once dated a guy who was 7″6..yikes. that was wierd (I am 5′5).
Neat list Wraith.
March 1st, 2007 at 9:37 am
7′6″?!?!?!?!?! That’s a bit tall.
March 2nd, 2007 at 3:33 pm
We are all so much more complex than we realize, that I’ve learned. Still not sure about myself…
March 2nd, 2007 at 6:34 pm
i have given this considerable thought. i may even post something similar soon. following you and sending warm thoughts. take care, poet.
March 3rd, 2007 at 6:24 pm
Wraith, It’s great to know more about you. If you are anything like me, I am constantly searching for things I have in common with people. I assume it comes from years of being a square peg in a round family. I too was almost never without a significant other. I’m not very good at being alone. I’m glad that you posted your list. I admire your honesty. Take Care, Rebecca
March 14th, 2007 at 5:44 pm
Wraith I recently listened to The Adoption Show. The interview was with B. J. Lifton. They talked about limited childhood memories. I was blown away. You should check it out. They explain it far better than I could here. It was affirming and healing to hear. I thought I was alone in that.
March 28th, 2007 at 10:56 pm
Wow. Maybe I’m like Rebecca, constantly looking for similarities, being another square peg and all. But some of what you wrote, could have been me too. From your list:
I barely remember my childhood, only snippets,
I was a perfect chameleon as a kid and as an adult,
I don’t remember my dreams normally. Only very intense ones and very rarely,
I have never been without a boyfriend longer than two weeks, (with gender edit, lol)
I did this because I didn’t want to be alone,
I work on computers all day and then turn on my computer when I get home,
I am a bit insecure,
I read like mad,
I use all of them as an escape when stressed,
I hate math,
I need to lose weight,
I have never done drugs, and don’t drink, (had to fess up and take the ciggie comment out, since I do smoke, lol)
I haven’t done these things because I fear losing myself or control,
I love my husband, but spent the first several years of our marriage being convinced if he really knew I wasn’t as strong as he thought, he wouldn’t love me. It’s been the most marvelous gift to realize how wrong I was.
I do believe I have issues from my adoption,
I also have issues with adoption,
I have great adoptive parents and they will always be my parents,
I still want to know the ones who created me,
The insecurity, the need for control, the feeling like a perfect chameleon who can’t even reach back in memory and pick out her own emotions, needs, reactions - very jarring. Joy wrote recently about learning to tell the truth. That’s my job for now. Most especially to myself, scary as that is sometimes. I liked your list Wraith. And Mia - thanks for that heads up on the Adoption Show - I need to go find that.
April 12th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
“I AM” your SISTER, and you forgot to mention me in your blog.
I’m not UPSET or ANYTHING though!
I KNOW you still LOVE ME!!
Right?