I am I
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)
Ambrose Bierce (1842 – 1914)
What makes me, me? This is really what the last post was about, or at least partially about. So what makes me, me? Am I things I have done? Things done to me? Am I what people think or what I think? A combination there of?
So who am I?
- I am 6’5″, 280lbs, light skin that doesn’t tan well, medium brown hair and dark brown eyes,
- I had one close friend growing up but we have barely talked since I went into the military,
- I barely remember my childhood, only snippets,
- I was a perfect chameleon as a kid and as an adult,
- I served 11 years in the Navy, recieving an honorable discharge,
- I don’t remember my dreams normally. Only very intense ones and very rarely,
- Other than during overseas tours, I have never been without a girlfriend longer than two weeks,
- I did this because I didn’t want to be alone,
- I work on computers all day and then turn on my computer when I get home,
- I am a bit insecure,
- I love Sci-Fi; specifically Stargate, Doctor Who, Firefly, and Star Trek,
- I read like mad, going thru at least one paperback a week if not more, Repairman Jack novels being my favorite
- I have a large DVD collection,
- I use all of them as an escape when stressed,
- I hate math,
- I need to lose weight,
- I met my wife thru the mail,
- I have never done drugs, only smoked about 6 cigarettes in my life, and don’t drink,
- I haven’t done these things because I fear losing myself or control,
- I have a lot of Lego, the most recent is a gun made of Lego that looks exactly like the Beretta 92F I carried in the Navy,
- I like my job but it is frustrating,
- I still wear my dog tags and have one in my boot,
- I love my wife but don’t understand why she loves me,
- I love my son, but I don’t understand him,
- I do believe I have issues from my adoption,
- I also have issues with adoption,
- I have great adoptive parents and they will always be my parents,
- I still want to know the ones who created me,
- I worked on this list for a week, I wasn’t sure I wanted to post it.
I am I.
Who are you?
wow. you are tall. lol. i once dated a guy who was 7″6..yikes. that was wierd (I am 5’5).
Neat list Wraith.
7’6″?!?!?!?!?! That’s a bit tall.
We are all so much more complex than we realize, that I’ve learned. Still not sure about myself…
i have given this considerable thought. i may even post something similar soon. following you and sending warm thoughts. take care, poet.
Wraith, It’s great to know more about you. If you are anything like me, I am constantly searching for things I have in common with people. I assume it comes from years of being a square peg in a round family. I too was almost never without a significant other. I’m not very good at being alone. I’m glad that you posted your list. I admire your honesty. Take Care, Rebecca
Wraith I recently listened to The Adoption Show. The interview was with B. J. Lifton. They talked about limited childhood memories. I was blown away. You should check it out. They explain it far better than I could here. It was affirming and healing to hear. I thought I was alone in that.
Wow. Maybe I’m like Rebecca, constantly looking for similarities, being another square peg and all. But some of what you wrote, could have been me too. From your list:
I barely remember my childhood, only snippets,
I was a perfect chameleon as a kid and as an adult,
I don’t remember my dreams normally. Only very intense ones and very rarely,
I have never been without a boyfriend longer than two weeks, (with gender edit, lol)
I did this because I didn’t want to be alone,
I work on computers all day and then turn on my computer when I get home,
I am a bit insecure,
I read like mad,
I use all of them as an escape when stressed,
I hate math,
I need to lose weight,
I have never done drugs, and don’t drink, (had to fess up and take the ciggie comment out, since I do smoke, lol)
I haven’t done these things because I fear losing myself or control,
I love my husband, but spent the first several years of our marriage being convinced if he really knew I wasn’t as strong as he thought, he wouldn’t love me. It’s been the most marvelous gift to realize how wrong I was.
I do believe I have issues from my adoption,
I also have issues with adoption,
I have great adoptive parents and they will always be my parents,
I still want to know the ones who created me,
The insecurity, the need for control, the feeling like a perfect chameleon who can’t even reach back in memory and pick out her own emotions, needs, reactions – very jarring. Joy wrote recently about learning to tell the truth. That’s my job for now. Most especially to myself, scary as that is sometimes. I liked your list Wraith. And Mia – thanks for that heads up on the Adoption Show – I need to go find that.
“I AM” your SISTER, and you forgot to mention me in your blog.
I’m not UPSET or ANYTHING though!
I KNOW you still LOVE ME!!
Right?