Comments on: What If – Revisted http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2007/02/14/what-if-revisted/ Study of adoption Fri, 30 Dec 2011 04:34:00 -0700 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: Mom2One http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2007/02/14/what-if-revisted/#comment-12211 Mom2One Mon, 19 Feb 2007 17:47:36 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2007/02/14/what-if-revisted/#comment-12211 Wraith, I've seen your comments on others' blogs and your blog has been recommended to me -- as have others who I see commenting here. I'll have to get to theirs as well. I need to find the time to do so :). Anyways -- I have to say that I haven't read the original post. Must get to that. But I appreciate this post. I'm one of those adoptive parents who did go out of country to adopt, but not to escape our son's birth mother (I say "mother" not to exclude the father but because he really wasn't in the picture when our son was born; we know more about our son's situation than many adoptive parents do and are fortunate to do so). OK, I seem to be not saying much at all; I guess I'll just include this then as a general introduction and a way to say "I like what you write and will be back to read more." I'm learning so much from reading adoptees' words. It's so vitally important for me to do so. I believe wholeheartedly that by doing that with an open mind and heart and reflecting on what I read, it can only make me a better parent to my son. That's my wish anyway. Enough babbling for now. :) Wraith,

I’ve seen your comments on others’ blogs and your blog has been recommended to me — as have others who I see commenting here. I’ll have to get to theirs as well. I need to find the time to do so :) .

Anyways — I have to say that I haven’t read the original post. Must get to that. But I appreciate this post. I’m one of those adoptive parents who did go out of country to adopt, but not to escape our son’s birth mother (I say “mother” not to exclude the father but because he really wasn’t in the picture when our son was born; we know more about our son’s situation than many adoptive parents do and are fortunate to do so).

OK, I seem to be not saying much at all; I guess I’ll just include this then as a general introduction and a way to say “I like what you write and will be back to read more.” I’m learning so much from reading adoptees’ words. It’s so vitally important for me to do so. I believe wholeheartedly that by doing that with an open mind and heart and reflecting on what I read, it can only make me a better parent to my son. That’s my wish anyway.

Enough babbling for now. :)

]]> By: Chez http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2007/02/14/what-if-revisted/#comment-12145 Chez Thu, 15 Feb 2007 22:26:28 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2007/02/14/what-if-revisted/#comment-12145 Another great post Wraith. What worries me mostly about adoption - even when it is done as best as possible - is that it erases the child's history & geneology. With adoption they get a new birth certificate - a new identity. It says to me - that their past and where they came from means NOTHING/NADA/NIL. That's what truly hurts the most. By saying their past means nothing - it kind of says that deep deep down, the child's core being means nothing. Sure - if there is no other alternative - especially in the case of abandoned children - some kind of adoption or even legal guardianship is what is needed. It just worries me to hear that people would rather adopt from overseas so that the birth mother won't come looking for them etc - that's when I really fear for the adoptive child. NOW - thank goodness - there are many adoptive parents who don't think this way - and there are those that are trying to REALLY do the best FOR THE CHILD. There are just some fundamental flaws in the whole system - and if people would only just read and listen to what other adoptees are REALLY feeling - maybe - just maybe - a difference for the CHILD will be made. Thank you for your strong voice Wraith - you give me, and other adoptees the strength to find our own voices - and maybe together we will one day be heard. Big hugs, C. xx Another great post Wraith.
What worries me mostly about adoption – even when it is done as best as possible – is that it erases the child’s history & geneology. With adoption they get a new birth certificate – a new identity. It says to me – that their past and where they came from means NOTHING/NADA/NIL. That’s what truly hurts the most. By saying their past means nothing – it kind of says that deep deep down, the child’s core being means nothing. Sure – if there is no other alternative – especially in the case of abandoned children – some kind of adoption or even legal guardianship is what is needed. It just worries me to hear that people would rather adopt from overseas so that the birth mother won’t come looking for them etc – that’s when I really fear for the adoptive child. NOW – thank goodness – there are many adoptive parents who don’t think this way – and there are those that are trying to REALLY do the best FOR THE CHILD. There are just some fundamental flaws in the whole system – and if people would only just read and listen to what other adoptees are REALLY feeling – maybe – just maybe – a difference for the CHILD will be made.
Thank you for your strong voice Wraith – you give me, and other adoptees the strength to find our own voices – and maybe together we will one day be heard.
Big hugs, C. xx

]]> By: Rebecca http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2007/02/14/what-if-revisted/#comment-12142 Rebecca Thu, 15 Feb 2007 19:10:57 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2007/02/14/what-if-revisted/#comment-12142 Wraith, Another great post. I'm sure I look ridiculous sitting at my computer nodding away, ut I agree with you wholeheartedly. I struggle with blogging because it seems like our point is often missed. Overall, most of us adoptees aren't saying to get rid of adoption but instead saying "I've been there, listen to me, it can be done BETTER." Maybe we intimidate people. I don't know. What I do know is that blogs like yours are making a difference in people's lives. On behalf of your fellow adoptees, thank you. :) Rebecca Wraith, Another great post. I’m sure I look ridiculous sitting at my computer nodding away, ut I agree with you wholeheartedly. I struggle with blogging because it seems like our point is often missed. Overall, most of us adoptees aren’t saying to get rid of adoption but instead saying “I’ve been there, listen to me, it can be done BETTER.” Maybe we intimidate people. I don’t know. What I do know is that blogs like yours are making a difference in people’s lives. On behalf of your fellow adoptees, thank you. :) Rebecca

]]> By: Reunited Dan http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2007/02/14/what-if-revisted/#comment-12141 Reunited Dan Thu, 15 Feb 2007 17:01:32 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2007/02/14/what-if-revisted/#comment-12141 I was speaking to a woman the other day who went to China to adopt her daughters. We were discussing the availability of information to adoptees these days and I was startled to hear about how these children are just dumped at the doorstep of orphanages. She laughed when I inquired about birth records because there just isn't any. I guess I see all sides and I guess that I am fortunate I have never been told to get over it or been reminded how lucky I am... Food for thought! I was speaking to a woman the other day who went to China to adopt her daughters. We were discussing the availability of information to adoptees these days and I was startled to hear about how these children are just dumped at the doorstep of orphanages. She laughed when I inquired about birth records because there just isn’t any.

I guess I see all sides and I guess that I am fortunate I have never been told to get over it or been reminded how lucky I am…

Food for thought!

]]> By: Alex http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2007/02/14/what-if-revisted/#comment-12140 Alex Thu, 15 Feb 2007 13:52:07 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2007/02/14/what-if-revisted/#comment-12140 Wraith, thanks for your comments. I think that what you are saying makes sense and is valuable for anyone who would consider adopting. I am seriously disturbed when I read about some adoptees stories, how their parents lied to them, covered up the truth, whatever. I am just trying to find a way through all the different things that I read. Some things say that adoptive parents are pure evil who are perpetuating a corrupt system, some things say that adopting a child is near saintliness! Here in the Czech Republic, people can only adopt children from orphanages. There are no agencies, you work directly through social services and there are minimal costs. (so its not in anyone's interests to abandon their children/give them up for adoption...) I agree that emphasising the "rescuing" factor with your adopted child isn't right, but at the same time, the dilemma that faces me is this: that no child should have to grow up in an orphanage. Children need families. My husband and I have not tried to have children yet, and I cannot deny that if we decide to adopt, it will be because we believe that we can try to be good parents for a child that otherwise would grow up without anyone caring for them. Is that wrong? I agree that it is important to find out why children are being abandoned to taken to orphanages, but in the meantime, many children are without a family. Both things are important, and they need to go hand-in-hand. Because no matter what, there will always be children abandoned. There will always be different social, economic, religious and cultural reasons for parents to believe that it may be the best/only solution. We cannot just wait for the perfect solution which will stop this happening. Sometimes we have to do something. There are some prospective adoptive parents who honestly feel that they want to do something to help these children. Some of these parents could just as easily have biological children, which really, would be alot easier in a sense. I just don't want to be made to feel like I am doing something terrible when I am actually trying to reach out in love towards someone else. Wraith, thanks for your comments. I think that what you are saying makes sense and is valuable for anyone who would consider adopting. I am seriously disturbed when I read about some adoptees stories, how their parents lied to them, covered up the truth, whatever. I am just trying to find a way through all the different things that I read. Some things say that adoptive parents are pure evil who are perpetuating a corrupt system, some things say that adopting a child is near saintliness! Here in the Czech Republic, people can only adopt children from orphanages. There are no agencies, you work directly through social services and there are minimal costs. (so its not in anyone’s interests to abandon their children/give them up for adoption…) I agree that emphasising the “rescuing” factor with your adopted child isn’t right, but at the same time, the dilemma that faces me is this: that no child should have to grow up in an orphanage. Children need families. My husband and I have not tried to have children yet, and I cannot deny that if we decide to adopt, it will be because we believe that we can try to be good parents for a child that otherwise would grow up without anyone caring for them. Is that wrong? I agree that it is important to find out why children are being abandoned to taken to orphanages, but in the meantime, many children are without a family. Both things are important, and they need to go hand-in-hand. Because no matter what, there will always be children abandoned. There will always be different social, economic, religious and cultural reasons for parents to believe that it may be the best/only solution. We cannot just wait for the perfect solution which will stop this happening. Sometimes we have to do something. There are some prospective adoptive parents who honestly feel that they want to do something to help these children. Some of these parents could just as easily have biological children, which really, would be alot easier in a sense. I just don’t want to be made to feel like I am doing something terrible when I am actually trying to reach out in love towards someone else.

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