A few things to consider adding…

-Don’t assume that the child will view the adoption as something wonderful and don’t ever expect them to be grateful to you. Especially with children who are older (from foster care or international), they may see adoption as disrupting their world completely and removing the last ties to their birthfamily, whether that is true or not. It is natural for the adoptive parent to be thrilled about a child arriving to their home but try to temper that and ease the child through the transition phases as slowly as possible. Keep things lowkey and simple to start.

-Be your child’s strongest advocate. Adoption can bring challenges for a child as well as for family. There is just a higher percentage chance you’ll have to deal with something, be it because of adoption in general or because of known or unknown issues that child has. I don’t mean that to scare anyone but it is just the truth - there are unknown factors involved in adoption and just adoption itself can be a big trauma to process. So be prepared to navigate government, school, international, social services, therapeutic, medical and other situations. Get all the help you can get for your child. Challenge the system if needed, get 2nd opinions, find new help if you don’t like what is going on. Just like any parent, you’ll need to be your child’s strongest supporter.

If you like them, feel free to reword!

Rebecca’s comment was great on validation. It is so in my character to want to try to fix things but I now try hard when my daughter is speaking to just listen to her and repeat back her feelings (’So you are feeling sad because you miss your sister?). Or just offer her an ‘i’m so sorry, that must be tough/sad’ and a hug . I try to ask if there is something I can do to help and if I can offer something AFTER she has spoken, I do.

Another part of validation too is letting your child know it is ok to be SAD. If they are sad, don’t try to cheer them up all the time - let them grieve their loss/es. Don’t try to change the situation with gifts and fun times always. Give them some space and either let them come around or at some point, help them COPE with their feelings in a healthy way. Let your child see YOU be sad, share some of your losses as they get older and can understand. Let a child know they are allowed to have all the emotions under the sun. They don’t have to hide them.

I’m running on at the mouth… 2am brain, ugh. thanks for your efforts here!