What If?
It has been said that for the truth to exist, it takes two people – one to speak it…and another to hear it. Mankind will be forever doomed to destruction if we continue to ask for the truth…but then refuse to listen.
Control “The Outer Limits”
I have been reading a lot of blogs about adoption and there seem to be a group who just keep going around with the “what ifs” to show why adoption is so wonderful.
For example “what if the child was kept with the parent and was abused. Wouldn’t it be better for the child to be adopted.” Sure, maybe, then again, what if they are adopted into an abusive family or by a pedophile?
“What if the child was abandoned?” Okay, what if he was abducted for black market adoptions or from some family overseas and you were just told he was abandoned?
“What if the mother couldn’t take care of the child?” Hmm, what if the programs set up for family planning were more worried about planning the family and not planning a how much they could get for the kid?
“What if you had equal access, what would it really change?” What if you DIDN’T have your records or know your roots, what would you do? Honestly?
“If records were opened, there would be more abortions.” Really, so Oregon and Tennessee is now the abortion capital of the US? Let’s see… Nope, New York, Florida, and Texas are at the top, by a large margin according to the CDC They also have sealed records and least likely to open, what if there is a correlation?
The problem is, we could “what if” on both sides of the fence all day but each case is a little different and needs to be viewed as such whether good or bad. Even though adoption may be the best available answer in a given situation let’s stop pretending that it’s the best of every world for every member.
What if we stopped pretending that we are ALWAYS doing it with the best interest of the child. What if we stopped pretending the lies, secrets, and denial is a good thing. What if we stopped telling adoptees to feel lucky and instead said, “Tell me your truth, I am ready to listen?”
Thank you for this post, from the bottom of my heart.
Great post.
Hugs, C.
what ifs are just like the shoulda coulda woulda syndrome. you can rush around chasing your tail all day and nothing would come of it. following your journey, your way….poet
Thank you for speaking my mind.
What if indeed. Amen brother.
What if… I didn’t have blogs like this to read? Then I’d go on feeling so alone and weird.
Thanks.
outstanding post. as usual.
Yay Wraith, I love your blog.
What if they were adopted into a home to “save a marriage”, the afather was sent off the Viet Nam in less than a year, the amother wanted a girl but finageled a sibling group to make the father happy, the aparents had no physical or affectionate relationship? What if the father would come back from Nam a different person, quit his career, take a new job and meet a person who cared about him and then leave the bfamily? What if the amother threatened to “send you back where you came from or to the boy’s home down the road” every time you did something that didn’t line up with her stupid little idiosyncratic way of life? What if?
What if thousands of children a year are abandoned in cities and countries in Eastern Europe that nobody cares about? What if they never experience the love and acceptance of a good family? What if they grow up wondering if they have ever felt loved or wanted in their whole lives? What if they were abused in their orphanages? What if indeed. Your story is not the only one.
Hi Alex,
What if we worked to find out WHY they are being abandoned and work on that, rahter than seeing it as a money making windfall for agencies and governments? I never said my story was the only one, actually, I have stated that there are as many stories in adoption as there are people touched by adoption. My point was to not discount our stories as adoptees because because of one persons “need” to “rescue” a child.
*The problem is, we could “what if” on both sides of the fence all day but each case is a little different and needs to be viewed as such whether good or bad. Even though adoption may be the best available answer in a given situation let’s stop pretending that it’s the best of every world for every member.*
PERFECT!!!! How can anyone not GET that, especially with your examples? An action call if I’ve ever read one