Nervously Waiting
Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed.
Michael Pritchard
It has been a few days since the letters went out. By now, these seven people should have recieved them. I don’t know what is making me more nervous, that they will all reply in the negative or that one will reply in the positive. The longer I wait for some reply, the more I fear it will all be negative. I am not sure what I am going to do if she does reply but with another rejection.
The timing of this is strange though and I didn’t realise it until talking to Amy. It is just a week or so shy of one year since that call from the agency. One year ago since she said no contact. Do you think this was enought time to give her the opportunity to change her mind?
I am so sick of these constant discussions of privacy. How can there be privacy between blood? Why does her privacy trump my right to medical information? Why does it trump my right to know who my ancestors were?
I have been listening to a lot of Celtic music recently, specifically several of the albums from Celtic Woman. My son really enjoys them to although he still calls it Irish. Close enough. Anyway, it’s kind of weird when he starts asking about his nationality. I explained that he was a little bit Irish and Norwegian but how do you explain to a kid that he is also Welsh and some other nationality? Bottom line is, you don’t. I know I shouldn’t feel ashamed or feel like it’s somehow my fault I don’t know but the feelings are still there.
And that brings me back to the letters. Another attempt to get this information for myself and my sons. It’s driving me mad waiting for something but hey, patience is a virtue right?
I am tired of waiting though. This is my information. I heard a while back (although I don’t have any facts to back it up for sure) that even estranged kids are allowed to have their doctors access their parents medical info because it is so important. Anybody know if this is true? Also, kids in foster care, who are not adopted, are allowed to keep their records. I don’t want to make light of what they went thru. Heck, I can’t even begin to imagine the smallest iota of what they went thru, but why the disparity in policies? Do they, having gone thru the system, have more “right” to their information than I? Is it because the agency didn’t find anyone whose information they could substitute so now these adults are allowed access? Were their mother’s not promised privacy? It doesn’t make sense, both groups should have free access to their information, just like in many other countries.
Don’t get me wrong. I do NOT wish I grew up in foster care so I could have access. I firmly believe both groups should have full access like I just stated. You will never hear me say I wish I was in foster care. It is annoying enough to hear people sometimes say, “I wish I was adopted.” I want to tell them that I wish they were adopted too so they could feel what it is like before they make such a stupid comment. To make such statements is to make light of what we are going thru and to trivialize what we want and deserve. It may not be your intention, but it is the way it comes across and somehow I am thinking that you really don’t wish that you didn’t know your roots or that you never saw someone who looks like you or that you don’t know what medical problems you might want to be extra wary of or not being able to share you ancestry with you kids or having to tell them they can only ask your spouse who they got their eyes from or their mouth or what family member they look like for that school project. Yeah, I don’t think that was what you meant at all, was it.
January 30th, 2007 at 12:59 pm
Hey Dan,i tried responding to your post from a few days ago-oops blonde moment i didn’t put my e-mail in…I dont’ know if i have met anyone else who is as determinded as you in your quest to find out your truth..Wanted to let you know i have buddy passes available for a reasonalbe fee and of course standby status,to you should you find your birthfamily and want to do a fly by..I do believe it is your turn to find…waiting patiently with you…
Cynthia
January 31st, 2007 at 8:13 am
i am crossing my fingers and all other crossable parts that you receive the news you want and need to hear. i understand your fears, been there, done that. whatever comes of it, you did the best you know how. you have the support of your family and your wife. you have we interent friends who stand beside you and hope for the best. waiting alongside too, poet.
January 31st, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Waiting with you too, hope you get a reply.
January 31st, 2007 at 8:08 pm
Sure hope you get a reply - sooner rather than later.
Try not to tackle the postman in the meantime!!!!
(I know exactly how this feels - and I too am crossing all crossable parts for some news really soon)
Hugs, C.
February 1st, 2007 at 1:34 am
I still struggle with not being able to have all the information I think I’m entitled too. Yes, I’m thrilled to know my mother and have her half. But that’s just half. It takes two halves to make a whole. I’m that whole, shouldn’t I get to know my makeup? I was told by my parents at a young age that I am part Cherokee Indian. I don’t get to own that. I’m just another white girl as far as the people around me are concerned. I sobbed when we studied the Trail of Tears in school and the other kids just laughed at me. While I am perversely grateful, as many have suggested I should be, that I grew up in the privileged majority, I would still like to know more about that part of my roots. Not only to be able to identify with that part of my heritage but to have them identify me! I could go on but won’t.
I can relate to and empathize with your quest for more. You DO have a right to know your own heritage, as do your sons.
Sending good thoughts your way that you get a reply, and a favorable one at that, soon.
:) Rebecca
February 1st, 2007 at 7:33 am
I am confident you will hear from someone soon and you can start crossing people off the list. Better, I hope the first letter you get is from the right person and she is welcoming and kind.
February 2nd, 2007 at 12:23 am
Most birth moms are not promised privacy either - nor do most want it. Closed records are mostly what adoption agencies want - not birth parents. If it is any consolation, I do not think foster kids in general have much better, if any access to their records.
A year may be long enough - hard to say. I think it is more than a reasonable time to wait though.
You are in my thoughts and prayers as you wait. I so hope you get some answers this time.
Hugs,
Jan
February 3rd, 2007 at 7:21 am
just checking in to see if there was any news. take care and enjoy the weekend with your family.
February 10th, 2007 at 1:42 am
Dan,
When I located my bmom (records were sealed), it went sort of like this…..Is this N? Yes. Did you marry N in 1958? Yes. Did you relinquish 4 kids in 1964 in the state of CA? Yes, who is this? This is one of them. And even though she had 3 boys, she said my name in the response.
Now she isn’t and wasn’t the brightest person and to this day, we hardly talk even through a mediary because she’s as big a loser as she was when she went on a drunken binge and left all 4 of us at a neighbor’s house never to return (they eventually, after two weeks gave up and called the state), but it meant the world to me to find her and know there were people who actually looked like me (tired of being told by people that I looked like a misfit in my afamily), and why I did things that my afamily thought were stupid or comical. I needed this and so do you!
Thinkin’ of ya and saying a prayer for ya….