A letter and tears
If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.
Anne Bradstreet (1612 - 1672), ‘Meditations Divine and Moral,’ 1655
So it finally happened. I got a letter from the agency. My heart nearly did a flip-flop. I began opening the other mail on top of it, trying to calm down, not wanting to hope too much for fear of disappointment. Heck, I reread the stupid home mortgage ad twice before I realise it was trash. Finally, I got to the letter. It felt thin so my trepidation rose some as I cut it open and pulled out the letter head. Oh no, not what you were thinking, nor me for that matter. It was a letter asking for a donation. Asking me, who paid them a bunch of money already to be told nothing, to donate a bit more for nothing. To top it all off, my wife pointed out that they had the wrong first name on the envelope. I checked the letter again and they had it there too. Correct last name, right address, but wrong first name. (Okay, the first intial was the same but still.) So you ask for money and can’t even get my NAME right? Do you take Monopoly Money? Did you search for the RIGHT person?
Claud pointed to this posting on MSN groups that is pretty heartwrenching as well. Go check it out but take tissues.
To top it off, the son of an aquaintence of mine has passed away, he too an adoptee who never reunited. I am going to the funeral even though I don’t know them that well, I feel like it’s an honoring of a brother so to speak. He once said to his mom that “no one knows who I am…I don’t even know who I am” I may not know who he was, but I know how he felt.
EDIT: Oh yeah, the letter starts out with “We are delighted that we could assist you with search and reunion services. Our best wishes to you for a continuing, positive relationship.” So exactly what relationship are they talking about?
December 12th, 2006 at 4:42 pm
Gag…so sorry. As if you haven’t already finacially contributed. Does blood, sweat and tears not count?
I think it’s good you’re going to the funeral. You can give a silent salute to a fellow, brother of loss.
December 12th, 2006 at 6:27 pm
Wraith, I’m delurking to say that I hope you go back to the agency and give them hell. It’s astonishing to me that they would add you or any adoptee to their fundraising database. Purely unethical in my opinion.
I would also like to say how much I appreciate your writing. Your experience and your writing are moving, a testimony to the damage adoption secrecy can do. I sincerely hope you are able to break through one day and find your first family.
Thank you for writing.
December 12th, 2006 at 8:48 pm
Oh my gosh my heart sank for that brief moment i had hoped it was a response from your birthmother.That agency should be shut down.And i must tell you how strong and determined i think you are.You continue to amaze me at your willingness to speak with this woman ,your birthmother..i’ll put you in my prayers that you get to speak with her some day soon.God bless you for your endless efforts…
Cynthia
December 13th, 2006 at 2:27 am
Send the letter back telling them they got the name wrong and that you already paid heaps of money and that they should not be so hasty in being delighted with themselves.
Ask them for some money too.
December 13th, 2006 at 6:56 am
Hi All,
I did send an email to them and got two responses which I will post later today.