One kind word can warm three winter months.
Japanese proverb

Winter is upon us and granted it’s only in the lower 70’s here but it is still winter. Thanksgiving has passed and now the Christmas rush is upon us. A time for family and friends, a time to buy gifts and hopefully get gifts (yeah, I know you aren’t supposed to give to recieve but I have a list if you want to see it. :wink: ) A time to remember the birth of Jesus and to hope for peace on Earth and goodwill toward men.

So tell me Christmas
Are we kind
More this day than any other day
Or is it only in our mind
And must it leave when you have gone away
(TSO - Christmas Eve and Other Stories This Christmas Day

For the last few years I have been getting more into the family thing. Truly knowing what it is to be loved by another who is not from the family I grew up with. It’s a weird experience to say the least for someone who never really allowed themselves to get to close. I feel a safeness I don’t remember feeling in a long time. A feeling of being wanted and needed, of belonging.

There is another aspect to this Christmas, however. An aspect that occasionally brings that familiar tightness to my chest. My mom knows I want to find her. I keep hoping that the season will warm her heart and give her the courage to contact me. Just one kind word. As the day draws closer I find my mind drifting more and more to that small hope. They say wishes can come true under the Christmas Star. If this is true, then I wish with all my heart. What a gift that would be to know both my moms. One is a link to my ancestry and birth, the other a link to my childhood. Both are linked to my future.

Speaking of my future, my son’s birthday is coming up before Christmas. Another of those moments that can be painful. I still feel the twinges of jealousy toward him, although it has dissipated a lot. I am worried about him. I don’t want him to feel replaced by the new baby so I will have to work on that. We should find out the sex of the baby this week and then we are going to let my son pick out the name (from a predetermined list of course. We don’t want to name our baby Hot Wheels or Legos, after all. Then again, he usually goes for the snake names so it would probably Cobra for a girl and Viper for a boy. Guess that’s better than being called an Asp.)

EDIT: Okay, after I wrote the above and started to drive to my VFW meeting, I decided I couldn’t go and just needed to come home and get a hug form my wife and son. That got me thinkging about another thing that is really bugging me. The thought that she might be alone this holiday, since the agency says she doesn’t have contact with the rest of the family and her husband passed away. It scares me to think she is sitting alone with her fears, shame, pain, or whatever so I wish she has someone who will listen or just be there for her.

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