He could do anything he wanted to me and she would allow it

Now tell me adoption is fine!!!!

PS my birth mother is a midwife and very well off, she sacrificed me for a life of her own and nk she dosnt wants t o know me, just as flipant as that!

Getting over the anger has been good. I still hope to make contact someday. If I don’t I’m OK with that.

Take care.

I think staying angry and bitter about ANYTHING will make you not enjoy life as much. I also think that it’s good to keep an open mind and to not judge people based off of YOUR personal experience.

You might not agree, but at the same time, I respect Wraith’s views and how he came to them. I can’t fully comprehend his experience because by it’s definition, it is his and his alone. I can find similarities as well as differences between our experiences but I think it’s just nice to read and see what other adoptees have experienced.

Personally, I know I will always be confused about adoption because there are a myriad of variables and like anything, we never really fully grasp the whole meaning of it.

Ideally, I would like to live in a utopia where we don’t have the anguish of loss and separation, but that’s just not the reality of our world. So the next best thing is to make the best of your situation and to learn from others as well.

I know first hand the pain, the loss of identity, the search for self that an adoptee feels. I also know the tremendous pain of a reunion with an unstable, selfish, and unloving biological mother and even a biological half-sister who kept insinuating that my adoptive family was not my family, that I didn’t have parents, and that she “just shattered my dreams.” Adoptees need to accept the reality that the circumstances of their birth prevented their biological parents from rearing them, but that there was nothing inherently wrong with them. Likewise, they should understand that there were real, serious, complex reasons for their relinquishment, and even if the relinquishment was “forced,” that was the circumstances of their birth. They need to accept that a reunion is more often than not, in my opinion, strained and can even be heartbreaking; looking at birth parents through rose-colored glasses while bashing adoptive parents serves no purpose whatsoever.

I do support full medical and ethnic disclosure so that an adoptee can know such history. I do support opening case files. I even support reunions if all parties involved have consulted with an expert who specializes in adoption and all parties are emotionally equipped to handle such difficult and complex relationships. However, I do not support the ideas that life with a birthmother for most adoptees would have been so wonderful “if only.” I do not support bashing adoptive parents or making them feel “less than” biological parents. While some adoptive parents may, in fact, be abusive, painting all of them as bad or adoption in general as bad is ridiculous. What would those adoptees have preferred; that they be raised in orphanages or with biological parents who were totally unequipped to deal with them? Wake up, folks!

Those who spend their lives embittered and angry at the world because they were adopted need to seek expert professional help so that they can resolve these issues and heal their lives. To spend a lifetime being eaten up by anger is to waste that lifetime and all the potential it has. I, for one, am totally glad that I wasn’t raised by my biological mother. She did, however raise my twin sister who is severely disabled and mentally retarded; she was abusive, neglectful and my sister would have been much, much better off if she had been relinquished as well.