Shards of my Heart
So again, I got tired waiting for the agency to let me know if there was an update and again they respond immediately.
Wraith, as I told you, I am unable to mail anything further to her. She has not agreed to contact nor has she completed the necessary forms for you to have contact. She never completed the medical form that I contacted her about several times. I wish it could be different. I know this is very disappointing but I simply am not allowed to send her mail without her consent. I am very sorry.
So my birth mom has to give permission for them to drop something in the mail? I don’t get it. I haven’t been going over the hill with contacting them. Haven’t been sending emails or letters every few days. Haven’t been calling them constantly. Oh, I am sure she is sorry. I mean I’m sure my pain means a damn thing to her. They got my money and they know that they are my best chance in the future because they have all the records.
But I guess my birth mother’s “rights” mean more than mine. I mean, I only paid $500+ bucks to them but she sacrificed her first born. :censor:
July 11th, 2006 at 5:41 am
wraith, i am so sorry to hear this!
i can understand some of your pain, as my son that i gave up is refusing all attempts at contact too.
what i can’t understand is the why. i can not fathom why they don’t want any contact?! i just simply don’t get it. and i dont get why they can’t drop the letter in the mail and let her decide to open it or not. i dont think it’s right that this person you are emailing has the contact info right in front of them that you need.
words fail me right now. how does it get so mixed up?
July 11th, 2006 at 6:30 am
I came home last night from a picnic and read this on CB and just ranted around the house for a good five minutes. My husband wanted to know what was wrong so I told him and then he ranted too. Utterly infuriating!!!!!
You know so many of these agencies told our birth mothers that we would be called bastards on the playground if they decided to keep us. Isn’t it funny that nobody treats us more like bastards than these very agencies?!?!?!?
I am so sorry Wraith. Have you considered trying the form letters to the hospitals as previously discussed? If you want my help just let me know.
July 11th, 2006 at 10:01 pm
Thank you inmyheart. I don’t understand either.
Hi Mia, yeah, the laws are there to protect us from the possibility of ourselves. Go figure.
July 12th, 2006 at 1:29 pm
I am so sorry to hear about your dilema. I faced many of the same situations during my search.
I will keep you in my thoughts. I hope that it gets better though with the laws the way they stand….uhm…not so sure it will get better before it gets worse.
July 13th, 2006 at 5:24 am
i’m sorry that things are not going well for you with regard to the search. i’d be giving up on that agency and going on the hunt myself. i used a group called Parent Finders. and it happened that there was a lady right here in my fair city. it cost $25 to make a file (back in 1989) and she gave me great direction to enable me to search. as it happened, i did make contact.
i have never viewed myself as a scarificed child. for reasons that only they know, i was given up for adoption into a great family and had all my needs met and exceeded. did you have a lousy upbringing? were your adoptive parents horrid? i mean, i understand the ‘given up;given away’ thing. would it not be easier for you if you changed your way of thinking a bit. maybe it is just too hard for your bio mom. i learned a long time ago that things happen for reasons. i cannot control what others do, and i sure as hell can’t make someone do something they don’t wanna do.
it is just too hard on the head and the heart to relive pain, so i accept it and acknowledge it, then try very hard to let it go. do you think that this is just too consuming for you? enjoy your life as it is now, enjoy your own children and environment. when it is meant to be, it will be.
July 13th, 2006 at 2:30 pm
Hey Poet,
My adoptive parents are great (and I’m not just saying that because they are lurking here somewhere.) but my anger isn’t so much at my birth mom. Granted, it was intially but that was more the gut reaction thing. To be honest, I have met enough birth moms to know the myriad of feelings she is probably going thru as well as knowing that I can’t actually know all the things she may be going thru. (again though, I do have my moments where I regress to a kid and don’t care about anyone else’s feelings.)
My anger right now is the uncaring, “give us money,” we hold your info mentality of the agency. I mean when I first talked to this lady she was more worried about making sure I was ready for being “rejected” than actually trying to act like the search was a good thing. It just makes me wonder if they even really tried.
My other issue is that I ahve the pain deep and being a guy not the first to actually fell the pain. However, that is what I am going to a counselor for.
July 13th, 2006 at 2:31 pm
Thank you Nicole, yeah you never know what will happen in the future.
July 13th, 2006 at 8:12 pm
Do I know how you feel!!!! I am so frustrated these days. I could just wring someone’s neck. Part of me is angry because I got the transcripts. Then I start to wonder was I told the truth? Are all my records a lie? My CI was very sympathetic to me. She doesn’t understand this at all. She tried every tactic possible. Sometimes I wish that I had a few thousand to afford a good private investigator.
July 14th, 2006 at 12:02 pm
Why is it that when adoptees acknowledge needing to know our roots is important to us, stand up for our rights as citizens, vent our pain and frustration, there are those who automatically assume we must have had terrible upbringings? This is infuriating to me, particularly so coming from an adoptee. Something else that drives me crazy are people who read other’s blogs and think that this is all there is to the persons life. The blogs are where we come to vent. We have lives outside of the issues we blog about!!!
Sorry Wraith but that comment just ticked me off.
July 14th, 2006 at 12:36 pm
Hi, I’ve been reading about your efforts on the SoA boards, and just wanted to say that this just stinks. What about a private investigator? Any possibility there?