Dear Mom
I am slowly losing hope, slowly losing the belief that I will one day get to meet you. At a session tonight, my counselor asked me what I would do if I find all doors closed and I don’t know. I have been too afraid to even consider it. Now that you have had several months to think about it without even the medical info you said you would send thru the agency, I guess I have to consider it now.
My son sometimes prays that we will find you. I don’t have the heart to tell him you have been found and don’t want to meet us. How can I look into his eyes? Into my eyes?You hold total power of the knowledge I want. All of it. Who my ancestors are, what they were? Where they came from? What was my name at birth? Why I was given away? What your life was like? Did you ever think of me?
Without you I can never see original birth certificate or even know what hospital I was born in. Heck, I can’t be positive when my birthday is or even what city I was born in. Do you know that they let your name slip and I was so happy until someone else told me that the agency will sometimes let slip a false name?
My life since has been okay. I have had and continue to have a good life and good parents, but it hasn’t stopped me from wanting to know. Nor has it prevented me from feeling out of place all my life. Adrift.
What do I do now?
May 30th, 2006 at 11:55 pm
I can answer one of your questions - she thinks of you - I believe that it is virtually impossible for her not to. Remember Farmer Boy? How long it took for him? Maybe it will happen for you too - maybe not - but it still may. Either way, you’ve done all you could - and you find a way to accept it - at some point - won’t be easy - but you gotta do it!
Fake names even now? I don’t believe that - I think that must be her real name.
Cooool photo - where was it taken?
Hugs,
Cookie
May 31st, 2006 at 3:31 am
wish i could say something encouraging. wish i could help. i never understand this. i, as a mom, am waiting for the day that my daughter feels strong enough to meet. right now its email. but should the day come that she wants more - dude, i am SOOOO there. i dont care if I am in my jammies and my slippers but I am gone in my car, wheels spinning and tires screeching to see her less than an hour away!
hugs.
May 31st, 2006 at 2:28 pm
I am gonna scream this because its what I feel. GOD IT BETTER HAPPEN SOON. THIS IS DRIVING ME ADOPTAL
June 1st, 2006 at 12:00 am
I have faith that she will come around, I waited 6 years for my son, I thought he never would. I know that the waiting is so painful.
I wish I could help.
MSP
June 2nd, 2006 at 5:32 am
(((((WRAITH)))))))
June 2nd, 2006 at 7:29 am
I am just so sorry, Wraith.
It is something I simply don’t understand..
June 2nd, 2006 at 8:01 pm
(((Wraith)))
So… you found your mom? Or you mean the agency gave you a name, and you think you found her? I hope you get to meet her. I hope she comes around. I know for my experience of Florida… I was told it was illegal for me (as a mom) to search. I hope she signs up for the Florida Registry. I hope that you find each other.
June 2nd, 2006 at 9:04 pm
The agency found her but she has denied contact at this time. Last year they let the name Sharon slip but a PI in Florida told me that they have been known to let names slip that aren’t correct.
June 4th, 2006 at 9:00 pm
Bugger all.
I don’t understand how she could deny. Unless she’s afraid. Many bmoms, from what I understand, were made to feel guilty. Nope. Still don’t get it.
I finally met my bmom in person less than 1 month ago. We’d had phone contact for 2 months before that, and I had to pressure her to get her to meet me. Even though she said she was glad to have contact with me, there was still some big time hesitation. So I can imagine that someone who is leary of contact would have even more.
Do you have info on your birthdad? Maybe that’s the route to go instead.
June 4th, 2006 at 9:15 pm
When I meet her, I will ask her. ;)