A day in the life….continued
I got a call from the adoptoin agency today. They had talked again with my birthmom. Intially, I was excited to hear this but….
Apparently, they asked her if she would be willing to accept a letter from me. Her reply was that she would rather not but if it would make me feel better, she would. Can you say “ouch? ”
Also the agency will only forward a non-identifying letter. The searcher made a special point to remind me that it cannot contain names, places or other identifying info. I was too stunned to even reply at the time. Now, I’m just pissed.
Then they called back about five minutes later to let me know that they had actually used all the time I had paid for (that would be $450 for six hours of search plus the freebie hour where they actual found her) so it would cost another $75 for an extra hour of searching for my birthfather. If they can’t find anything in the first hour, I will have ton continue paying $75 for each subsequent hour. Also, they won’t start until they get the money. Boy did I go into the wrong field.
February 13th, 2006 at 7:23 pm
I’ve been thinking about you since you shared your news. Wishing you good things, hoping you can make a connection (however weak it may be).
February 13th, 2006 at 9:06 pm
me too, thank you.
February 14th, 2006 at 10:27 am
Argh.
February 14th, 2006 at 10:49 am
Wraith,
I am sending you all the luck in the world right now.
Also, wondering if you have considered using volunteers? I know of several who have been very successful in searches.
Let me know if there is any way I can help you in your search efforts.
Carrie
February 14th, 2006 at 12:11 pm
Just to put it out there…. I don’t know your particular case, but I have heard that Adoption Agencies do sometimes lie. If they always had to keep up with every person they assisted in the adoption triad, then they wouldn’t be able to take new cases. Maybe your mom didn’t feel comfortable going through the agency?
I wish I could reach out to all moms and adoptees and mend all their wounds. Including my own.
February 14th, 2006 at 10:38 pm
The letter is written and my wife is going to mail it for me in the morning. I feel so drained.
thank you all for your kindness and support.
February 15th, 2006 at 6:54 am
I can say ‘ouch!”.
I’m pissed too, on your behalf.
It’s the burning injustice of it.
And that people should be able to make a cushy business out of something that should be everyone’s God-given right is just more salt in the wound.
Hoping aginst hope for you, and keeping you in my thoughts . . .
February 15th, 2006 at 11:52 am
I am eagerly watching your story. I can just imagine what she is feeling. She probably doesn’t want to have to think about the past…she has made it this far with trying not to feel much about it. Who knows, it may be a big secret. It’s great she will accept a letter. If you let her know why you want to meet with her or write then she won’t be scared? (is that the word?), intimidated?, shamed? Maybe she worries about what you think of her…..
I’m just glad she’ll take a letter from you….
I’m watching your blog and praying for the whole thing to go great!
February 16th, 2006 at 6:08 am
Great job writing that letter Wraith! It’s so difficult writing a letter that will somehow convey everything you need to say with the hope they will read it and have a change of heart. Or at the very least in some small way know you.
It’s in Gods hands now so keep the faith! Ya’ done good.
Mia