Comments on: What to say? http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/02/12/what-to-say/ Wraith's Wrealm Thu, 04 Dec 2008 04:58:00 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: adopteeamy http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/02/12/what-to-say/#comment-102 adopteeamy Mon, 20 Feb 2006 00:29:00 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/02/12/what-to-say/#comment-102 Hey I just read your blog for the first time. I have been so busy searching for bmom to ask her myself for bfather's info. I haven't had the time to read all the blogs out there. Boy do I know what you feel!! I too have been rerejected again. It is a shame that you can't find her yourself. Your writings bring tears to my eyes because I "get it." I felt that pain all over again when I read your post. You know where to find me. Amy Burt Hey I just read your blog for the first time. I have been so busy searching for bmom to ask her myself for bfather’s info. I haven’t had the time to read all the blogs out there. Boy do I know what you feel!! I too have been rerejected again. It is a shame that you can’t find her yourself. Your writings bring tears to my eyes because I “get it.” I felt that pain all over again when I read your post. You know where to find me.

Amy Burt

]]> By: Wraiths http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/02/12/what-to-say/#comment-101 Wraiths Tue, 14 Feb 2006 04:15:00 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/02/12/what-to-say/#comment-101 lady, thank you, I would love to meet all the bloggers whose writings I read including yours. Kim.Kim, I did just that today with my boss. petunia, I am writing the letter now. lady, thank you, I would love to meet all the bloggers whose writings I read including yours.

Kim.Kim, I did just that today with my boss.

petunia,
I am writing the letter now.

]]> By: petunia http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/02/12/what-to-say/#comment-100 petunia Mon, 13 Feb 2006 17:46:00 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/02/12/what-to-say/#comment-100 Cookie said it so beautifully - It doesn't have anything to do with the person you are - it's all about her feelings right now. She will think about it and want to know more about you. Send that letter.....it took my biomom a while to admit it to other people - it does have to do with shame and what other people will think....luckily she had told her family and expected/hoped for a call someday from me- you probably caught her off gaurd.... Cookie said it so beautifully - It doesn’t have anything to do with the person you are - it’s all about her feelings right now. She will think about it and want to know more about you. Send that letter…..it took my biomom a while to admit it to other people - it does have to do with shame and what other people will think….luckily she had told her family and expected/hoped for a call someday from me- you probably caught her off gaurd….

]]> By: kim.kim http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/02/12/what-to-say/#comment-99 kim.kim Mon, 13 Feb 2006 15:59:00 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/02/12/what-to-say/#comment-99 Wraith if anyone asks you how it is going you can say you don't feel up to talking about it yet but thank them for asking. There were times when I wanted to tell the whole world and then times when i couldn't bear to speak about these things. The shame thing makes perfect sense. I have that with losing my daughter. Shame that my family didn't see me worthy of supporting and loving. I am so very sorry you have to deal with this. Wraith if anyone asks you how it is going you can say you don’t feel up to talking about it yet but thank them for asking. There were times when I wanted to tell the whole world and then times when i couldn’t bear to speak about these things.
The shame thing makes perfect sense. I have that with losing my daughter. Shame that my family didn’t see me worthy of supporting and loving.
I am so very sorry you have to deal with this.

]]> By: Lady http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/02/12/what-to-say/#comment-98 Lady Mon, 13 Feb 2006 13:07:00 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/02/12/what-to-say/#comment-98 Hi wraiths, I would like to meet you just because of your writings! Perhaps your nmother is ashamed of herself, or her lifestyle.(for no specific reasons, just in general) Maybe she feels she could not measure up to you. Oh, I feel so badly about this all. I'd still write her if I were you and I send that precious picture of your son. Lady Hi wraiths,

I would like to meet you just because of your writings!

Perhaps your nmother is ashamed of herself, or her lifestyle.(for no specific reasons, just in general) Maybe she feels she could not measure up to you.

Oh, I feel so badly about this all. I’d still write her if I were you and I send that precious picture of your son.

Lady

]]> By: Cookie http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/02/12/what-to-say/#comment-97 Cookie Mon, 13 Feb 2006 07:33:00 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/02/12/what-to-say/#comment-97 You have been on my mind a great deal since I heard your news the other day. I have been thinking a great deal about why a mother would refuse contact. I think back to why I reacted as I did. And, I know that I was lucky that I was ready. But, I also know that something inside me had to click back on to be ready. When I gave my son away, to survive I had to disconnect and dissociate myself from him to survive. I knew no other way - I am not proud that I did. At reunion, my emotions all came rushing quickly to the surface and all those old long buried feelings of love and longing for him resurfaced and "bingo", I reconnected myself in my head to him. Not all mothers can do that right away. You are a son that any mother would be terribly proud of - her refusal for contact does not change that. It only means she is not strong enough or brave enough to risk loving and getting to know you - now. I know you understand that intellectually, but, the feeling side of you doesn't care why - it sucks big time no matter why! Her refusal is a reflection of her life at this point in time. I hate that we do not acknowledge that birth mothers need help to heal so that they are more able to reconnect with their children. Back to the praying and hoping that she will gain the strength to take the risk to know and love you. BIG HUGS, Cookie You have been on my mind a great deal since I heard your news the other day. I have been thinking a great deal about why a mother would refuse contact.

I think back to why I reacted as I did. And, I know that I was lucky that I was ready. But, I also know that something inside me had to click back on to be ready.

When I gave my son away, to survive I had to disconnect and dissociate myself from him to survive. I knew no other way - I am not proud that I did. At reunion, my emotions all came rushing quickly to the surface and all those old long buried feelings of love and longing for him resurfaced and “bingo”, I reconnected myself in my head to him. Not all mothers can do that right away.

You are a son that any mother would be terribly proud of - her refusal for contact does not change that. It only means she is not strong enough or brave enough to risk loving and getting to know you - now. I know you understand that intellectually, but, the feeling side of you doesn’t care why - it sucks big time no matter why! Her refusal is a reflection of her life at this point in time. I hate that we do not acknowledge that birth mothers need help to heal so that they are more able to reconnect with their children.

Back to the praying and hoping that she will gain the strength to take the risk to know and love you.

BIG HUGS,

Cookie

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