Word of the day:
I love my Google home page. With it, I can get a quick list of the latest tech trends, check out the weather for the week, get a few handy quotes and check to see if a few of my favorite blogs have updated. (If you want to see how to set it up, Heartened has already explained here.)
Another great feature is the “Word of the Day” and the word for Tuesday was “consanguineous.”
consanguineous \kon-san(g)-GWIN-ee-us\, adjective: Of the same blood; related by birth; descended from the same parent or ancestor.
What a great word. It just slides off the toungue like warm honey.
For example: here is a picture of my consanguineous son.
One day, I hope to post pictures of other people I share consanguinity with. (Okay so maybe it isn’t so much like warm honey but more like cold honey but it still has a sweet ring to it.)
A sentence on a blog by an adoptive mom caught my eye today. She said that “…families are ultimately born of love, not biology” which, in a sense, is true. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to start advocating adoption. I still think it should be a last resort, not the first response, nor should it be subtlety or “not-so-subtlety” coerced.
There are many adoptees that I have met who have had difficult to extremely bad relationships in their adoptive family, and yes I know there are kids who go thru stuff just as bad in their own blood families. I read stories though, of foster kids or adopted kids who are going thru this stuff and I want to ask, why didn’t the adoption agency realise? Why didn’t they follow up? Isn’t adoption supposed to be about the welfare of the child? Makes you want to scream sometimes.
I am one of the lucky ones as far as placement goes. My mom and dad were good people who wanted a child of their own. They weren’t the best parents in the world, but they were good parents, even great (and as far as I know they don’t read this blog or even know about it, so I’m not just saying it for them to read. Besides, my birthday and Christmas is still too far away for that kind of stuff.) They provided all the necessities for my sister (also adopted) and I, such as a home, food, support, opportunities, occasional punishment (okay, maybe a little more than occasional, I was a bit of a moody kid in high school) as well as a few niceties such as toys. They never shied away from questions about being adopted that I can remember, and always had the adoption records available. My mom has even read Adoption Healing by Joe Soll, and occasionally searches the web for adoption stuff and the databases for matches. Yet, for all this support/love/family, I still feel the need to search, and the need to justify why I am searching, even though the people who truly matter to me don’t ask and the ones that do probably wouldn’t understand anyway.
I seem to be going all over the place with this, so I’m going to post it for now and go to my support group now.
February 1st, 2006 at 6:27 pm
That consanguineous child of yours is beautiful. I hope that he (and his dad) can meet your family by blood soon.
February 1st, 2006 at 6:34 pm
Wow, Wraith, he is adorable! What a handsome guy!
I had to laugh when I saw “consanguineous” on Google. What timing, ‘eh?
The next time you feel the urge to justify your desire to search, smack yourself for me - just like you promised to smack me when I feel guilty for my feelings. -grin-
February 1st, 2006 at 7:05 pm
I have had the pleasure of meeting Wraith’s cute guy in person and he is an exceptionally adorable little one!
I read that statement too - just the kind of comment that makes me wince a tad. Being a tad sensitive on this subject, her comment seemed somewhat dismissive of the import of biology. That “not biology” bugs me. Families can be created in either way - adoption or birth. I believe that families are born and formed through love, but, through adoption or biology as well. Adoptive parents can grow to love a child, but, often for bio parents, we love and bond with our child pre-birth or immediately thereafter. Most of us feel love for our children simply because they are related to us by blood and we know that child is “ours” - that we created it. Okay, I’m probably drawing too fine a point here!
February 1st, 2006 at 9:03 pm
Thank you all, yeah he is a cutie, and knows it too.
February 3rd, 2006 at 4:59 am
Beautiful boy your son. I find it annoying when people go on about families having nothing to do with biology. Families have EVERYTHING to do with biology. And you have OTHER types of family, they are not less or more but …….think you understand my point!
February 3rd, 2006 at 10:25 am
If biology has nothing to do with it (as so many claim) then I hope they can someday explain to me why I sat and sobbed my eyes out the first time I looked at a picture of my son and a very similar picture of me at the same age - so stunned was I that another human being could LOOK like me. Two more soon followed - maybe I was trying to build my own little army of “people who look like me.” -laughing-
But someday, I hope I have the opportunity to look into the face of someone in whom I can get a glimpse of what I’ll look like in 20 or 30 years. I’d kind of like to know how I’m going to age, you know?
February 9th, 2006 at 7:10 am
I found this blog because I am in the process of adopting and the issue of adoption, esp. adoptee’s rights and thoughts, are something I am trying to educate myself about. We picked adoption, of a so-called “special needs” child, a 4 year old who was abandoned at 3 days old because of his cleft pallet/lip. This decision was not entered into lightly. I am not infertle and can have biological children, and in fact do. We chose adoption over having another biological child. The way I see things from your Blog and others, is that perhaps ours was the wrong choice. Thoughts?
February 9th, 2006 at 7:27 am
Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT against adoption. I do understand the need for it at times. My only hope is that if you continually update your knowledge on any and all issues your child might go thru and just be supportive.
Have you read the post I made about recommendations for adoptiove parents?
http://wraithsblog.blogspot.com/2006/01/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents.html
February 10th, 2006 at 7:31 am
Thanks Wraiths. I did read your post and the others regarding what adoptive parents should know to support their adopted children. I have read a lot on the issue, so the actions/suggestions were not new to me and seem rather instinctual at this point. I apologize if I wrongly assumed you were against adoption. In an earlier post you said “Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to start advocating adoption. I still think it should be a last resort, not the first response, nor should it be subtlety or “not-so-subtlety” coerced.” I can honestly say, that with all the profiles of older children we were given, there was a history of violence or other abuse, perpetrated on those children by their biological parents in the VAST majority of cases. I just think that as an adoptee, your opinion carries more weight than others, and you have the power to influence people’s opinions of the value of adoption. Thanks for your post and best of luck with your search.
February 27th, 2006 at 2:56 pm
“Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to start advocating adoption. I still think it should be a last resort, not the first response, nor should it be subtlety or “not-so-subtlety” coerced.”
I felt a gut reaction when I read that. I used to be a social worker for children who were abused and abandoned and with that as well as the millions of abused or abandoned children in other countries who may not have the opportunites others do, I have always wanted to adopt first rather then try on my own. I’m really startled by your statement.
February 27th, 2006 at 3:02 pm
which part of it causes the reaction? Too often it seems the adopton isn’t about what is best for the child, but what is the price we can get from the stories I have been hearing. I wish we could keep children with their families and fix the families rather than immediately think we need to tell the mom they are worthless and take the child to put them in antoerh family who may or may not have their best interest at heart. It’s a seriously screwed up system and the kids are the ones getting hurt. Unfortunately, for the good adoptive parents out there (like the ones I had) my comments probably would be a bit caustic, but it isn’t directed at them, instead at the system.