In a nutshell
I was asked the other day what it was like to be an adoptee, if I could condense it into something simple. I thought of the loneliness I sometimes feel and the feeling of lost. I thought about the helplessness, the lack of control, of being able to see my “vital” records. I thought about the birthdays and family holidays that hurt.
But how to make someone understand all that? How to make someone who has grown up with their blood understand what it means? So I asked them to try to imagine waking up every day and never seeing anyone who looked like you. No one with your eyes, your hair, your nose or mouth.
I have noticed that when a reunited adoptee is sharing pictures with other adoptees, the first comment is almost always something along the lines that the family looks just like the adoptee. I’ve met a few adoptees who couldn’t even see it in themselves. They would meet family and then say they look nothing like me, yet everyone else could see the similarities, some sharing exact facial features, but the adoptee in question could not see it. Was it because it was so much of a shock? Or maybe they had given up searching and just stopped looking?
In my son, I can now see my reflection. I can’t look at him sometimes without feeling the hint of tears in my eyes. Last night, as I tucked him in to bed and he said his prayers, he prayed that we would find my family. I’m not alone anymore.
January 25th, 2006 at 2:19 pm
It is strange to others how we as adoptees feel. I never do feel lonely or anything like that but i know how you feel about when people say “well, who do you look like?” Or you are asked where you got your eyes or hair etc. I think it’s funny and usually say “I’m suprised, usually people say i look jst like my mom” I like playing with them…..
January 25th, 2006 at 2:28 pm
I’ve had people, who knew I was adopted when I was growing up, tell me I look just like my mom. I’m not sure what they were trying to do, but my mom is about 5′2″ with dark red/auburn hair and freckles and I was about 6′ at the time (I’m now 6′5″) with light complexion and light brown/dirty blonde hair. Some would say I look like my dad who has black hair, and dark complexion (bit of the native american in him.) I guess it can be a bit confusing for them as well.
January 26th, 2006 at 4:37 am
I remember when my eldest was a year old and I’d taken him in for his “professional” shots. They came in about a week later and I was sitting in my parents’ house looking through them. Directly across from where I was sitting was a picture of me when I was about a year old.
So I’m sitting there enjoying looking through these wonderful pictures of my beautiful son and I come across one I love in particular. Something about it seems very familiar to me. I glance up - and there I am in almost the identical post with the identical face.
I burst into tears for nearly an hour. That moment of seeing ME in someone else was terrifying and beautiful all at once.
When I am feeling particularly needy, I look at that picture of my son. It’s my reminder that no, we’re not alone.
We will find them my friend - and somewhere along the way, we’ll find ourselves.
January 26th, 2006 at 6:27 am
I sure hope I will find them.
January 26th, 2006 at 1:11 pm
Sniff..sniff.. needing a tissue.
Makes me so glad that I found my son as early as possible…I wanted him to be able to see himself, know all of him..and not be lost anymore.