Comments on: Recommendations to Adoptive Parents http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/ Study of adoption Fri, 30 Dec 2011 04:34:00 -0700 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: Tesi http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-11181 Tesi Thu, 08 Feb 2007 17:57:56 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-11181 Dear Wraith, Dear Cookie, Is it OK with you if we print these out for use with pre-adoptive parents? Thanks either way for the great lists... Tesi an AP, and also an educator Dear Wraith, Dear Cookie,

Is it OK with you if we print these out for use with pre-adoptive parents?

Thanks either way for the great lists…

Tesi
an AP, and also an educator

]]> By: Wraiths http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-24 Wraiths Tue, 07 Feb 2006 03:38:00 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-24 not necessarily, first off you need to define what you think parenting is. personally, I think the decision to parent, to truly parent is about the perspective parent wants and desires which should include a willingness to consider the want and desires and needs of the child. It should be a bit selfish but also a bunch not. not necessarily, first off you need to define what you think parenting is.

personally, I think the decision to parent, to truly parent is about the perspective parent wants and desires which should include a willingness to consider the want and desires and needs of the child. It should be a bit selfish but also a bunch not.

]]> By: susan http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-23 susan Tue, 07 Feb 2006 00:37:00 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-23 Great post. I would add, too, that potential adoptive parents (I'm an adoptive parent) should ask their social workers/prospective agencies what kinds of education they provide. A good homestudy process should address all these sorts of questions. Can you say more about #2? I'm trying to figure it out--I've been thinking about blogging on a related topic for a few days now but haven't quite gotten the focus right. I can see that there are all kinds of lousy reasons to have a child (via birth or adoption), like to give an existing child a playmate (although, as the parent of one child, let me tell you, the world wants to scream at me "give your daughter a sibling to play with" and I"m mighty sick of it.) But isnt' the decision to parent (in whatever form) essentially a selfish decision, about the parents' desire to be parents? That's not necessarily only about image. Anyway, I'm thinking about it. Great post. I would add, too, that potential adoptive parents (I’m an adoptive parent) should ask their social workers/prospective agencies what kinds of education they provide. A good homestudy process should address all these sorts of questions.

Can you say more about #2? I’m trying to figure it out–I’ve been thinking about blogging on a related topic for a few days now but haven’t quite gotten the focus right. I can see that there are all kinds of lousy reasons to have a child (via birth or adoption), like to give an existing child a playmate (although, as the parent of one child, let me tell you, the world wants to scream at me “give your daughter a sibling to play with” and I”m mighty sick of it.) But isnt’ the decision to parent (in whatever form) essentially a selfish decision, about the parents’ desire to be parents? That’s not necessarily only about image.

Anyway, I’m thinking about it.

]]> By: Wraiths http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-22 Wraiths Mon, 30 Jan 2006 00:30:00 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-22 I agree, always be honest with you kids about their roots. I agree, always be honest with you kids about their roots.

]]> By: Manuela http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-21 Manuela Mon, 30 Jan 2006 00:20:00 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-21 DAMN! A very long comment I wrote just disappeared... Anyway, as a fellow adult adoptee blogger... one that was lied to and abused by her adoptive parents... one that didn't find out she was adopted until her bio mom contacted her... as that person... I would like to add a very basic point... Don't LIE to your adopted chid about their origins. I actually wish this were enforceable by law...because I think it's absolutely dehumanizing to remove a person's identity... very... very.. damaging. www.manuela.blogs.com Thin Pink Line DAMN! A very long comment I wrote just disappeared…

Anyway, as a fellow adult adoptee blogger… one that was lied to and abused by her adoptive parents… one that didn’t find out she was adopted until her bio mom contacted her… as that person… I would like to add a very basic point…

Don’t LIE to your adopted chid about their origins.

I actually wish this were enforceable by law…because I think it’s absolutely dehumanizing to remove a person’s identity… very… very.. damaging.

http://www.manuela.blogs.com
Thin Pink Line

]]> By: Wraiths http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-20 Wraiths Thu, 19 Jan 2006 16:59:00 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-20 Very good point. Very good point.

]]> By: KAIndy http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-19 KAIndy Thu, 19 Jan 2006 16:52:00 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-19 Never say "I understand how you feel or I know what you are going through." Unless you have been adopted yourself, and even then, you have no way of truly understanding the pain and hurt that an adoptee feels. Unconditional love as poited out in #8 on this list is the best and only thing that a parent can do to alleviate or comfort in of the pain that we feel. We will love you more and become closer to our parents the more that they can see the journey that we must travel on our own, with the "suppport" of our family. Never say “I understand how you feel or I know what you are going through.” Unless you have been adopted yourself, and even then, you have no way of truly understanding the pain and hurt that an adoptee feels. Unconditional love as poited out in #8 on this list is the best and only thing that a parent can do to alleviate or comfort in of the pain that we feel. We will love you more and become closer to our parents the more that they can see the journey that we must travel on our own, with the “suppport” of our family.

]]> By: Cookie http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-18 Cookie Wed, 18 Jan 2006 23:42:00 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-18 I agree with you Kim, but forgot to say so! I think it would be a great forum thread. Some adoptive parents might really benefit from it. I agree with you Kim, but forgot to say so! I think it would be a great forum thread. Some adoptive parents might really benefit from it.

]]> By: kim.kim http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-17 kim.kim Wed, 18 Jan 2006 17:17:00 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-17 Great post. Wish all adopters would read this. Great post. Wish all adopters would read this.

]]> By: Wraiths http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-16 Wraiths Wed, 18 Jan 2006 02:54:00 +0000 http://wraithswrealm.com/blog/2006/01/17/recommendations-to-adoptive-parents/#comment-16 Good point, I will have to add those to the list. Good point, I will have to add those to the list.

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