Throughout history, man has been driven to seek out his origins, to determine whether he’s the result of a divine plan or merely the sum of all his yesterdays. But what happens if, at the end of his search, he should discover that he’s neither? Every life is a destination unknown; a journey of tragedies and triumphs that ultimately allows us to discover not only our world, but more importantly, ourselves… Control (Outer Limits)

I think I know what’s been bugging me. This should be the week I get the call about the last hour of searching the agency will do. (see post One More Hour) I’m getting antsy about it, yet at the same time, I don’t really expect them to find her but I can’t stop hoping. It’s annoying, scary and exciting at the same time.
How cool would it be though? I see so many others reunite and it’s driving me crazy. I want to be happy for them, I am happy for them, but I’m so jealous as well. Why can’t I get a break?
On the flip side, I hae started going back to the adoption forums and reading. It’s strange how argumentative people get. You make one generalization and you’re guaranteed that someone whom it doesn’t apply to will jump all over you.
I asked to be listed in my church’s prayer bulleting again for continuing search for my birth family. Everyone there has been pretty responsive to it, many coming up and wishing me luck. When I first asked it to be listed, I was so nervous because I wasn’t sure how people would react, silly me. People can surprise you every day.
The best thing about being on this journey is learning who I am. I never had another face to look at until the birth of my son, who looked like me. Never had someone who has a similar genetic makeup to base myself against. That may have been a good thing or a bad but it is what it is. Like the song “Just Like Me” by DMC, “He came into to this world like we all do, but he never ever knew how he came thru. Do the best you can do, if this happened to you….” That’s it, I just have to do the best that I can. It’s all any of us can do.

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