I owe U owe I
“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” Mark Twain
A friend of mine, who is a birthmother, signed up with the same search group that I am using not long after I did. About two days ago, she got an email that they had found her son and yesterday she got all the information. She is so happy, and I’m happy for her. However, in same ways I’m pissed at her too. Yeah, I know it’s irrational, but there you go.
I also got a reply from them last week, when I asked for an update. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the same thing. They have “nothing conclusive yet.” Very annoying. Granted, I know my birth state is one of the worst out there as far as records go, and since I was adopted thru a private adoption agency, that adds another layer. (Just to give you an idea of the extra layer, I just read a couple of posts from adoptees who have both gotten the courts to grant them permission to have their records due to the Native America ancestry, however, this particular private company is still refusing to give them access.)
I guess in some ways I do feel the state and company “owe” me the info. It’s about me after all. It’s not about another person, although it references one of the other people involved but it’s about me. Some states are opening up records but setting up a VETO right for the birthparents., basically giving this person who gave up all rights to the child, to then decide whether the adult adoptee can access the their own information and birth certificate. Okay, I really don’t understand this. Why do these grown adoptees need their mommy’s and/or daddy’s permission to access their blasted records? You know, the ones they call vital statistics?
Do you understand what it is like going to the doctor and not being able to tell them whether your family has a history of this or that? Now think about going with your child and telling their doctor you don’t know. Think about the pain there for a bit. Don’t tell me you are protecting the birth parent’s “right to privacy” because that is a fallacy. They gave up their rights, whether they did it willingly or not, it was done, and why does their “rights” override my “rights” even when I’m grown? What is society trying to protect? The lies?
So I have a bit of anger at the whole system. I’m tired of feeling like a second class citizen when it comes to this. It’s something I need to work on. Anger isn’t going to solve it, and is just going to make me come off as another “angry adoptee” to ignore. I need to approach this logically and reasonably to give those who oppose full open records, no reason to discount me personally.