Work and life +me
To continue in the same vein, it’s amazing to me how blind people can really be. I look at the actions of others and think to myself, “What the heck are they doing? Can they not see how asinine this is?”
In some ways, I guess they can’t. It’s always easier to look at another and find fault than look in the mirror. In a way, that is why I started this blog. To look at myself in comparison to others to see if I am just a hypocrite or just the near genius guy that I think I am and my IQ says.
I show strong confidence at work and to the outside world, while inside, I am often scared to death. I am constantly over thinking or second guessing myself. I know some of these traits are from being adopted, however, now that I am aware of them, I have been able to curb it somewhat. I still occasionally wake up in the night trying to remember if I dotted that I or crossed that t. (Okay, I’m not quite that nuts, but I do tend to review what I did at work when I get home.)
In some ways, I think this has made me a better person. It’s helped me to look at myself from different sides to improve some things. I still come across as an arrogant sarcastic bastard some times (okay a lot of times) but at least I can take what I dish out now, and most people seem to at least understand where I’m coming from and not take it too personal. Some people on the other hand….
Having said all that, I think I tend to hold in my feelings to much sometimes, or at least hold them in from the people who need to here it. For example, that manager in the last post, I should really tell him that what he is doing is wrong. I know I can rationalize by saying it’s not my department, or I’m not a manager so I shouldn’t get involved, or some other drivel, but the bottom line is, I’m worried about my job. The funny thing about that is that allowing things like this to continue could cause more issues for the company in the long run.
See, besides some of the people in charge don’t seem to understand leadership and some of the employees, don’t grasp the concept that “if you don’t do you job and management comes down on you, they aren’t being mean,” I love my job. I get lots of cool toys, the boss pretty much lets me do my thing, because I actually do my job. Granted sometimes I will get a bit sidetracked, but overall I have improved a lot of things and feel I’m pretty receptive to peoples issues(unless you don’t try or not willing to learn, then I don’t have time, patience or respect for you.)
A friend once told me that if you get upset at your job it really shows that you still care. You can’t say you don’t care if it bugs you, because if you didn’t care, it wouldn’t bother you. So I will just continue caring and hoping for little improvements each day. Although, I still don’t think I will say anything to that manager.